A newfound understanding

Six months is hard to put into perspective, but when I recently thought about all of the time that I’ve spent here and the things that I’ve become accustomed to, it seems to all add up.

For instance: men praying in the gym locker room is not unusual or weird. Praying in groups in the locker room is also normal. Basically, praying anywhere: A-OK.

Still weird: annoying Americans who loudly sing along to Britney Spears’s “Hit me baby one more time” at the gym.

Speaking of the gym—if I can be afforded a quick side note before my serious point of the month—I honestly hadn’t thought too much about home or felt much home sickness at all until one day (at the gym) there was a break from the old school hip hop/80’s techno background music for some sentimental words from Akon and Snoop Dogg: “I see you windin, grindin, up on that pole... I know you see me lookin’ at you and you already know… I wanna… ” Indeed, Akon, the purportedly Senagalese Muslim rapper with multiple wives and words for the wise, brought some emotion to my heart. Yes, I was reminded of America by, quite possibly, the trashiest song of our time (I’m not really keeping up with it, so I don’t know if it’s gotten worse recently) and I longed to once again hear it being belted out by an obnoxious group of teenieboppers in a neighboring SUV on the 405.

Back to Jordan:

Probably the most profound development over the last six months has been my respect for conservative Muslim culture, specifically in terms of gender segregation, something that I honestly didn’t have before. I grew up in a very liberal environment and had often credited odd developments in the Middle East, such as male hypersexuality and sexual aggression (often in the form of male-on-male rapes) to the extreme segregation enforced by some conservative cultures. After living among some of this, I can no longer say that I would so easily attribute problems with sexual frustration to gender segregation.

Yes, I still do feel that there may be something there, but I have a much more genuine understanding for the cultural psyche behind such segregation and the nature of it. Coming from the West, such a philosophy and practice might seem overwhelmingly unnatural and forced, so much so as to seem doomed to cause problems. I now think that it is because of our cultural background that someone like me might automatically assume that “forced gender segregation” is a major source for many societal dysfunctions. The issues just aren’t that simple and, looking around, I could easily have devoted my research grant to this topic because it’s so deep that you really have to live amongst it to understand.

Sure, I could sit here and say that gender segregation isn’t a bad thing, and it might seem like an obvious observation and an easy one to agree with (or perhaps quite the opposite) but unless you really spend some time living among a conservative Middle Eastern society, I don’t know if someone from the West could really understand how this works. It definitely goes much deeper than religion.

Do I think that societies should be separated to the extreme by gender? No, I do not, but that’s my personal opinion. After living in such a community for six months, I’ve come to understand it in context. It’s not a black and white issue, and I no longer see it that way.

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I opened a neglected zipper-pocket of my backpack the other day and saw some American dollars. The sight of the green bills made me jump back in shock. By far my scariest experience over the last few months. American money is so weird. It’s all the same size and color and it’s so small! I tucked it back into the pocket as fast as I could.

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Recently I’ve tried to retrain myself to fasten my seatbelt upon entering a car. It took me only two weeks to lose this impulse and for some reason I can’t get it back. Probably a stupid development, I know.

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Taxi drivers listening to Quran are normal. Taxi drivers complaining about the filth of America while simultaneously chain smoking are also normal. They also decide to complain about the intense burden of raising a family in Jordan with everything being so expensive (the average man probably blows half of his monthly salary by purchasing and smoking two packs each day).

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After months of speaking this language (and not being very good at it) I’ve noticed that there are probably at least 50 expressions with different Arabic meanings but which can only be conveyed in commonly used English as “God bless you.” This might have seemed obvious, but it’s pretty surprising when you notice just how much things like God, peace, blessings and health are interlaced into this culture. It’s not even really a religious thing as much as it’s an “I’m wishing you great health” kind of thing. Perhaps this is a reflection of a difference in cultural interests.

Another interesting note on such expressions: it takes about 2 minutes to begin any conversation with someone, just because of all of the greetings involved. Observe:

Person A: Hi!
Person B: Morning roses!
Person A: Morning jasmines!
Person B: Welcome!
Person A: God bless you!
Person B: And God bless you!
Person A: How are you?
Person B: God give you goodness
Person A: God give you health
Person B: How are you?
Person A: God give you peace, seriously
Person B: May god bless you
Person A: And may got bless you
Person B: What’s new?
Person A: Things are beautiful, seriously. How are you?
Person B: God give you freedom

You might think that’s an exaggeration (and I’m not sure on the accuracy of some of the translations) but I’d say that’s about average. Sometimes it goes longer and I just don’t understand a lot of the other stuff. Sometimes it’s shorter, but for the most part, it’s going to take you a while to start a conversation. Ask an Arab friend. Oh yeah, and all of those lines, for the most part, are all different.